Recently Tom and Anne Murr celebrated 50 years of marriage. Tom, among many other things, pastors the Woodburn Methodist Church.
Their significant accomplishment makes one think about what makes a good and lasting marriage. I have witnessed hundreds of marriages but never been married.
However, I often trust in the wisdom of the great philosopher Yogi Berra, who once said, “You can observe a lot by watching.”
Who can argue with that? So I have watched a lot and observed a thing or two.
One couple preparing for marriage many years ago wanted in their ceremony the song “You and Me Against the World.”
I suggested that didn’t quite jibe with the Christian concept of matrimony, in which God is the most important component.
In addition, in Christian marriage a couple make their vows before the community and take their place as part of that community. They will live out their lives in union but not in isolation.
Most of the couples whom I consider to have great marriages also allow that love for one another to flow out to all others — in family, the workplace, their neighborhood and often far beyond.
They also have realized their need for the support of religious congregations and others to be faithful spouses, parents and believers. They can both give and receive, and all will be the stronger for it.
When in college I was amazingly lucky — graced, actually — to find myself in the midst of a group of friends who were very good people. Most of them married, and most are still married after 40 years or more.
For our generation that is a record seldom matched. Why the longevity? Some things were not of their choosing: coming from stable family backgrounds, strong faith backgrounds and opportunities for education.
The grew up learning they were, wonderfully, children of God. They also learned God has other children and none of us individually is the center of the universe.
They treated others well and sought to share God’s gifts of time and talents with whomever they could. Many entered into helping professions. Most became active in parishes and the communities where they settled. They made conscious decisions to heed Christ’s commandment of love.
None of this may seem to have anything to do specifically with marriage. These friends sought their strength from God, were giving people and made their commitments to God and humanity for the long haul.
If they were this way throughout their lives, they certainly would be this way with that special person with whom they would fall in love. And as they were swallowed up in the magic of romance, they also knew that the part of love which endures is the love that is a decision, not just something that happens to you when you aren’t looking.
Tom and Anne probably should have been the ones to write this article — but it was my turn!
Once a newspaperman attended the anniversary party of a co-worker and remarked that anniversaries are truly worth celebrating, whereas wedding days are more of a shot in the dark. But, when built on the foundation of Christ, willing to be disciples of the Lord, and ready to both give and forgive, couples can and do find that Saint Paul’s words remain true — real love does not come to an end.
Congratulations to those celebrating anniversaries and weddings during the summer months. God bless you.