March 29, 2024

Kayla Mueller’s last letter

American Kayla Mueller was 26 years old and had been in captivity with ISIS for 18 months.

Here is a copy of her letter to her parents.

“Everyone, if you are receiving this letter it means I am still detained but my cell mates (starting from Nov. 2, 2014) have been released. I have asked them to contact you and send you this letter.

It’s hard to know what to say. Please know that I am in a safe location, completely unharmed and healthy (put on weight, in fact); I have been treated with the utmost respect and kindness.

I wanted to write you all a well-thought-out letter (but I didn’t know if my cell mates would be leaving in the coming days or the coming months restricting my time but primarily) I could only but write the letter a paragraph at a time, just the thought of you all sends me into a fit of tears.

If you could say I have “suffered” at all throughout this whole experience it is only in knowing how much suffering I have put you all through; I will never ask you to forgive me as I do not deserve forgiveness. I remember mom always telling me that all in all in the end the only one you really have is God.

I have come to a place in experience where, in every sense of the word, I have surrendered myself to our creator because literally there was no else.... and by God and by your prayers I have felt tenderly cradled in free fall.

I have been shown in darkness — light — and have learned that even in prison, one can be free.

I am grateful. I have come to see that there is good in every situation, sometimes we just have to look for it. I pray each day that if nothing else, you have felt a certain closeness and surrender to God, as well, and have formed a bond of love and support amongst one another.

I miss you all as if it has been a decade of forced separation. I have had many a long hour to think, to think of all the things I will do with Lex, our first family camping trip, the first meeting at the airport. I have had many hours to think how only in your absence have I finally at 25 years old come to realize your place in my life.

The gift that is each one of you and the person I could and could not be if you were not a part of my life, my family, my support.

I DO NOT want the negotiations for my release to be your duty, if there is any other option take it, even if it takes more time. This should never have become your burden. I have asked these women to support you; please seek their advice.

If you have not done so already, [REDACTED] can contact [REDACTED] who may have a certain level of experience with these people.

None of us could have known it would be this long, but know I am also fighting from my side in the ways I am able and I have a lot of fight left inside of me. I am not breaking down and I will not give in no matter how long it takes.

I wrote a song some months ago that says, “The part of me that pains the most also gets me out of bed, without your hope there would be nothing left.” Aka — The thought of your pain is the source of my own, simultaneously the hope of our reunion is the source of my strength.

Please be patient, give your pain to God. I know you would want me to remain strong. That is exactly what I am doing. Do not fear for me, continue to pray as will I, and by God’s will, we will be together soon.

All my everything,

Kayla”